First of all, we’re juicing for 30 days. That’s doing something wrong, obviously. And we have started watching Dr. Who (not the original series), which might be some of the worst/best post-new-millenium British television ever produced. It’s like the original camera crew and special effects team from The Power Rangers reunited to produce a combination of The Twilight Zone and Goosebumps young adult fiction and I LOVE IT.

Besides all of that, there are juicing purists out there who would tsk-tsk some of our methods and and stances on juicing.

1.Our produce isn’t entirely organic. This comes down to cost and convenience. Juicing gets expensive real fast, and we save a ton of money by buying a lot of it in bulk at Costco. They have some organic produce, and we get that if it’s there. Because a lot of the produce we buy was grown with pesticides, we have to be extra sure it’s clean. Some recommend going so far as to peel any non-organic produce and not eat the skins at all. We don’t do that, which may be added risk, but I’m sorry – you couldn’t pay me to spend any more time at the kitchen sink than I’m already spending. Call me lazy.

2.We don’t consume produce within 2-3 days of purchase. Produce loses nutrients the longer it is detached from the plant. And I lose sanity when I have to go to the grocery store that many times in a week.

3.We aren’t moving enough. This one is debatable. Some say a juice diet shouldn’t have any impact on a regular exercise routine because you should have more than enough fuel to push through a good workout. Others believe juicing is a time of rest, not just for your digestive system, but for your entire body. Relax, they say, go get a massage and sip your caffeine-free herb tea like you’re riding top deck on the Queen Mary. They would likely correct me by adding that movement is good during a juice fast, and would suggest a simple walk or light yoga and stretching. I like those people. Oh, I do. But I also do feel extra energy that could easily be burned off with a run around the block.  The truth is we have held back on this because we’ve both been a bit afraid of how our bodies will respond. The further I get into this cleanse, the more confident I am that a jog and pilates would feel great. I’m actually craving it, which is something that hasn’t happened for me in literally over a year.

4. On rare occasions, we use bottled pure juice, like this stuff from Bolthouse Farms. It’s pasteurized, so nutrients have been lost in that process, but it’s still super healthy, pure, with no additives, and most importantly, it is juice, not “juice smoothie” (which is just blended fruits and still has all the fiber and roughage). We do use this sparingly, although I’m not sure it would do harm to use it more. In one week, we’ve used one 32 oz bottle between the two of us.

5. Our juice is centrifugally expunged. What the what? I know, who knew that the type of juicer you use matters? Juice is juice, right? If I had hulk hands I would squeeze the shiz out of all this produce and not even bother with a cumbersome, messy machine. But all juices are not created equal. There are two types of juicer: masticating and centrifugal. (Note that this is not about juicer vs. blender. Blenders are not juicers, they are smoothie- and margarita-makers, and those are very different things than juice. Although I wish they weren’t.) Centrifugal juicers use small blades surrounded by a fine metal mesh basket. The blades grind produce down and the centrifugal force from all that spinning forces it to the sides of the mesh, allowing juice to escape, and eventually flinging too-dry produce remnants into a separate catch. Masticating juicers use twisting or churning “teeth” or bars (I have no idea what to call them) that chew and super-squish the juice right out.

One of these is better than the other. Go ‘head, take a stab at it. I’ll wait.

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And the winner is … the masticating juicer! These are considered superior because they keep the juice more contained, thus preventing oxidation, which causes significant (goes the argument) loss of nutrients in a live product. Air is bad for fresh juice, and a centrifugal juicer literally whips and spins the juice, widening its surface area and exposing it to lots of oxygen. Our juicer, the Bullet Express*, is of the lesser variety, but it still kicks ass.

Speaking of mastication …

6. We don’t chew. Our juice, that is. Again, the hell? According to experts, chewing gets your saliva flowing. Ewww but yaaaay! because saliva contains something-or-other that helps digest food, which makes it even easier on your digestive tract. I try to do this, but there is only so much savoring of kale, celery, cucumber concoctions one can manage. I don’t know how much easier we could possibly be making it on our dear digestive tracts than we already are. This is like today’s tee-ball leagues that don’t allow scorekeeping or striking out. There is no way you can’t be a winner, digestive tract. We’ve eliminated all possible excuses and given you a free pass and now we are CHEWING JUICE FOR YOU, TOO. I am totally the “umpire” at those games murmuring “not!” after every RBI.

Feelings and Things

• Still having trouble falling asleep earlier than 11:30-12, which is back to what I did pre-juicing. Once I’m out, my quality of sleep is undeniably improved.
• Dry skin. I’m dehydrated, so I’m downing water like it’s no one’s business.
• Tonight Andy said the cats’ food smelled good.

*I don’t get paid to say that. I should, though, right? They need the ratings boost – that thing gets horrible reviews on Amazon. Watch here for some quality infommercial madness!